Cap'n Bob & the Damsel

Humor

Malice Aforethought

Senator Hillary Clinton (Dingbat – NY), when appearing before a black audience on MLK day, sold out America in a divisive attempt to identify the Congress of the United States as a racist organization. My opinion is that Ms. Clinton is a manipulative and deceitful person, bent only on her personal success, with little regard for the black, or any other community. A closer look at the inner properties of such a person, may reveal the true nature of that person’s character.

This little tribute to her underlying character is dedicated to those who speak the truth about Ms. Clinton’s actual agenda: bloggers and responsible journalists.

17 Jan 2006 by Congress Humor Whacko Politics

Mr. Weird Beard

Just who the hell does liberal media writer Neil Gabler think he’s fooling with the phony beard color? Is it a fashion statement to make his whiskers match his shirt? WTF?

Damsel and I were watching Fox Newswatch today and noticed that Gabler’s beard was reminiscent of the toy where a magnetic wand is used to position iron particles on a clown face enclosed in a transparent plastic bubble. We saw the same clown face without the bubble, and the same phony-looking iron-filing gray beard. Oh, and the shirt too – same color. Of course, Gabler may be competing for visual attention since he sits next to Cal Thomas, whose conservative opinions are often not heard because of Cal’s deafening shirt-tie combinations – but then, I digress . . .

Coincidentally, Gabler’s silly-looking beard is compatible with his ridiculous liberal viewpoints. And do you think it’s also a coincidence that Gabler resembles the world’s most famous clown?

Apologies to Emmett Kelly Jr. for any implied comparison.

31 Dec 2005 by Humor Media Whacko Politics

Lobotomy Candidate of the Day

Today’s Lobotomy Candidate is John Kerry.

CNS News carried this article about this loser’s Presidential impeachment remarks:

Kerry’s Impeachment Crack Not Funny, Republicans Say — 12/16/2005

The Republican Party sees nothing funny about Sen. John F. Kerry’s crack that President Bush should be impeached.

If Democrats take back the House in 2006, there would be a “solid case” to bring articles of impeachment against Bush for “misleading” the country about prewar intelligence, the National Journal’s Hotline quoted Kerry as saying.

“With his impeachment advocacy last night, John Kerry once again showed how out of touch he is with American people and how in step he is with the far left fringes of the Democrat party,” said RNC Communications Director Brian Jones in a statement.

“For one of the leaders of the Democrat party to begin a push for presidential impeachment, in seriousness or jest, on the eve of the Iraq elections is both foolish and shortsighted.”

Obviously, Senator Kerry is tormented by out-of-body hallucinations, delusions of grandeur and nuance, positional-reversal syndrome and being a Democrat. Our recommendation is that he undergo a simple lobotomy to relieve these debilitating symptoms. Here is a projection of the results:

Before (left): hypocritical, tormented, nuanced, averted gaze, loser.
After (right): peaceful, relaxed, gazing skyward, better-looking.
16 Dec 2005 by Humor Satire Whacko Politics

I Been Everywhere (Almost – USA)

Whenever I have the chance, I tell people I’ve been to every state but two: North Dakota and Iowa – and, that it’s my intention to score those additional states soon after I retire, perhaps sooner.

Damsel, during a not-so-long-ago visit with our friends near Wilmington, North Carolina, disclosed that we would be going to West Virginia on that trip, so I could score that state (which, prior to that, I had not previously visited). She also told Roger, our friend, that the Cap’n also needed to go to the “duh” state. “The duh state?” Roger inquired. “Yep,” Damsel replied, “Iowa — where Duh Moines and Duh Buque are located.” Damsel always knew how to crack Roger up — he couldn’t stop laughing for several minutes, and at any mention of Iowa thereafter, a resumption of chuckles and mirth.

Of course, Iowa would have really been a DUH State if their seven electoral votes had been cast for John Kerry in 2004. As it is, we still plan to go there for a visit to American Heartland.

23 Nov 2005 by Humor

IQ Question

When Damsel answered “the butterfly, of course,” I smugly said “No – insect – insect – arachnid – insect!”

“No,” she said, “ugly – ugly – ugly – pretty!”

Hmmmm . . . she wins another one – damn! Right-brain girl logic trumps nerd every time.

(Graphic from InfoPlease ad banner.)

12 Nov 2005 by Humor

Now This is a First for Football

Performance of an unnatural act to draw the offense offside.

About in the middle of the first quarter of the ESPN Sunday Night Football Game between the Buffalo Bills and the New England Patriots, a penalty was called on the Patriots, to wit: Performance of an unnatural act not normally seen in the course of a football game, in an attempt to draw the offense offside.

Made us laugh out loud. Couldn’t they put that in a different way? Made me think that they might have had a sheep on the field or something.

30 Oct 2005 by Humor Sports

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